January 20, 2014
I quietly entered the girls’ rooms tonight after they were asleep to give them a kiss goodnight. With sadness I noted how quickly they’ve grown from little girls to young ladies. The sadness is in the truth – the truth that I can’t hold them back. And the truth that they’re not really mine to keep; they’re a gift from God and my time to love, hold, influence, praise, shelter and just be with them shortens daily. If you think about the regrets, the should-haves, the mistakes, it merely takes away from the present, but it’s hard not to have thoughts and wishes of things you might have done differently. Not impossible, just hard, so I bury it in the moment. I was close to my mom, and still am, and I want the same for my girls and me…but relationships are each unique and can’t be duplicated. I will cherish what is special about the relationship I have with each. I will respect that my role is as mother, not friend, however difficult it is sometimes to have to choose the former, which definitely has momentary impact on the latter. I love them so much. One day, when each walks in the room of a child gifted to them by God, just to offer a never-to-be-known goodnight kiss, they’ll completely understand as mothers the feeling in my heart and mind tonight.